Goten and Vegeta
by mg34
Summary: Vegeta is going into space to try and find more surviving Saiyans. Goten and Trunks are playing hide and seek, I think we can all see where this is going... read just to be sure. FINISHED!
1. Hide and Ship

Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Dragonball Z, the planet Tamaran (from the DC universe) or an Alfa Romeo 155. One can but have a dream….

**

* * *

**

Goten and Vegeta

Hide and Ship

Vegeta had been in many tough fights in his life. He had thought Legendary Super Saiyans, Galactic Lords and Evil Androids, admittedly with mixed successes. However this was one fight he wasn't going to lose!

"Start you piece of junk!" he bellowed giving the lawnmower starter cored another pull. "This is your LAST CHANCE."

The motor thought about starting just long enough to get Vegeta's hopes up, but then decided better of it. This time the mower had push its luck a little too far. A few seconds later it hit the garden wall at surprisingly high speed.

"Gee what's up with you Vegeta?" asked Krillin who had no doubt enjoyed the spectacle.

"I gave it fair warning," The Saiyans Prince replied, "it just pushed me too far!"

"Yeah lawnmowers are deliberately annoying all the time," said Yamcha in a patronising voice "they're probably plotting to destroy us!"

"Fine then if there so easy to start you do it," retorted Vegeta angrily pointing to the remains of the lawnmower.

"Oh that one won't start," replied Krillin calmly.

"Why not?"

"Well for a start you kind of broke it against the wall," explained Krillin "and secondly lawnmowers don't work very well when there out of fuel!"

Vegeta swung round and stared furiously at the wreaked and clearly empty fuel tank.

"Why didn't you tell me it was empty!" he shouted at the monk who was now laughing his head off.

"What and ruin all the fun!" Krillin replied, still laughing. Vegeta gritted his teeth.

"What are you two doing here any way?" he demanded.

"I invited them" said Bulma calmly emerging from the kitchen with tray of drinks "and I thought I asked you to mow the lawn."

"The mowers on strike and anything those two tell you about it is a lie!" said Vegeta quickly before storming off.

"Darn women and her stupid friends" he muttered as he walked away, "How would she like it if I had annoying friends round all the time! Yes I should do that, let her know what its like. All I need is some friends!"

Vegeta paused, that could be a problem. He hadn't really got the hang of making friends with humans, mainly because they where such pathetic weaklings who took even the lightest of punches far too personally!

He sighed, "If only there were some more Saiyans around," he thought, "they would have to be my friends because I'm there Prince! But since that clown Kakarot got himself blown up I've been the only pure blooded Saiyan left. Or am I?"

Vegeta thought of Broly and Paragus. If they had managed to survive the destruction of planet Vegeta it was possible that other Saiyans had too. Yes there must be other Saiyens out there just waiting for there Prince to come for too them. Of course it could take a while to find them but Vegeta was willing to take on the challenge, not only for the sake of his race but also because his absence would make that annoying women appreciate his presence. Yes it was a fool proof plan!

As Vegeta hurried off to put his "plan" into action it never once occurred to him that, like Paragus, any new Saiyans he found might want to kill him!

* * *

"Come on Trunks give me have a go," pleaded Goten as he eagerly looked over his friend's shoulder.

"In a minute," replied Trunks automatically as he blasted another Alien.

"You've been saying that for hours now," said Goten sulkily. "Look you've died now so you can give me a go!"

"I wouldn't have died if you hadn't been talking!" sapped Trunks who had absolutely no intention of giving Goten a go. However he was well aware that there was no way he could get any further with Goten whingeing in his ear.

"I'll tell you what," the Half Saiyan Prince said slyly. "I'll play you for it!" Goten's eyes lit up.

"At what" he asked keenly

"Hide and seek" declared Trunks, "I'll count to one hundred and you go hide. If I can't find you in two hours then you can have a go."

"Wow okay then," Goten agreed leaping to his feet. "I know just where to hide too! See you later Trunks!" and with that the young half Saiyan sprinted from the room. Trunks leant over and closed the door.

"Idiot," he muttered and returned to his game feeling rather pleased with himself.

* * *

Vegeta had packed for his trip. He hadn't got too much stuff, some inter-planetary phrase books, a few changes of clothes, basic food supplies and his camera, well why not he might see something interesting. Admittedly one of the boxes' had been heavier then he had expected but that was nothing to worry about. The only thing left to do was say good bye to Trunks and Bulma. No doubt they would protest about his trip, may be even cry a little, but Vegeta (having conveniently forgotten about his original objectives) was prepared to endure it for the sake of his race. Trunks' room was the first place he stopped.

"Son," he said dramatically, "I'm going away for a bit. I have an important task to complete."

"Right" said Trunks with out even looking up from his game. Vegeta paused some what taken a back at this development.

"Did you actually listen to what I just said!" he asked angrily.

"Yeah your going a way for some reason it's cool," Trunks replied his eyes still firmly fixed on the computer screen.

"I thought you might be a little…" Vegeta began but he was interrupted by a volley of words which he was sure his son wasn't supposed to know!

"Your worse then Goten!" Trunks snapped finally turning to look at his father. "If you don't have anything important to say will you just go away I'm busy!"

"Fine then" retorted Vegeta angrily storming off. As he left he heard Trunks call after him.

"See you in a week!"

It didn't take long for Vegeta to find Bulma. She was resting in the garden.

"Right I'm off" said Vegeta casually walking past, hoping to catch her off guard.

"Have fun." Bulma replied instantly. Vegeta stopped.

"Err, don't you want to know where I'm going?" he asked trying not to sound surprised by her lack of reaction.

"Not really."

Vegeta ignored the reply, "I'm going to try and find some more Saiyans in space, I feel it is my duty to restore my leadership over them. To give them direction and sort out there troubles" He said trying to sound noble.

"As long as they don't have trouble with lawnmowers," said Bulma suppressing a laugh.

"Be serious women!" demanded Vegeta, "I could be gone for months!"

"Sure you could" replied Bulma sarcastically.

"Yes I could!" retorted Vegeta. "Surely you must be worried about how you will manage for so long with out a man around the house!"

"I'll manage" Bulma replied "you don't exactly lend a hand very often; it will probably be easier with out you."

"Fine then, don't miss me," declared Vegeta, "see if I care!"

"See you in a week," finished Bulma calmly as Vegeta stomped off towards his ship.

"Ungrateful parasites" muttered Vegeta "I bet they would start worrying if I was gone for eight days, or if I was killed! Yeah, then they would be sorry!"

He stormed on to the ship and slammed the door behind him. A few seconds later the ship took off.

* * *

No one watched the ship leave, well almost no one. From behind a bush the lawnmower smiled evilly at the departing rocket. With the Saiyan Prince gone no one left on earth could stop his evil plan! Soon the world would be at his mercy. If only he could fine his wheels…

* * *

Okay hope you liked it, Goten will appear a lot more next chapter as the plot develops, and before anyone asks, no the lawnmower is not going to be the villain of this story, it was just a random joke I put in to finish this chapter. Of course if anyone wants to read more about an evil lawnmower(!) or you have any other comments to make please send me a review! Constructive criticism is welcome but don't worry if you have nothing ground breaking to say I would be happy to hear from you. 


	2. Are We Nearly Dead Yet?

Here's chapter two, and only two days after chapter one, guess who has too much time on his hands!

* * *

Are we nearly dead yet?

There are several types of weekends. There's the active person's weekend which involves playing sport or going cycling. There's the social person's weekend consisting of shopping, clubbing and parties. There's the lazy person's weekend which purely revolves around sleep and eating and of course there is the practical person's weekend which always contains a huge list of things that need to be done but, inevitable, won't be.

Guessing which type of weekend Gohan was having would not tax the mind of even the simplest of people. So far he had done the dry cleaning, assembled a garden shed, mowed the lawn (successfully unlike Vegeta but he did have an electric mower), caught supper, painted the fence he had just put up, saved the world, done his homework, repaired his Great Saiyaman costume, varnished the fence…. Let just say it had been a long day. Still it wasn't all bad, he had one more job to do and then he could sit down at last.

He approached the Capsule Corporation building with great care knowing full well that Trunks and Goten could be hiding behind any of the bushes intending to play a trick on him. He hadn't minded too much when it had just involved water bombs but recently someone, probably Vegeta, had suggested that the kids use bricks!

Fortunately no attack emerged and Gohan was able to make it to the front door with out injury. Bulma answered the door.

"Hi Gohan" she said cheerfully, "I saw you on the news, good work."

"Thanks," said Gohan accepting the first complement he had received all day, "is Goten in I'm here to take him home."

"I think so but I haven't seen him all afternoon," replied Bulma thoughtfully, "I'll call Trunks he'll know."

Gohan quickly covered his ears and as a result avoided being deafened by the following scream from Bulma. A few seconds later Trunks appeared in the hallway.

"Ar there you are Trunks," said Bulma whose voice had return to normal volume, "Can you get Goten, Gohan's here to pick him up."

Trunks looked at them blankly for a moment. Then an expression or horror crossed his face.

"Oh shhhhh…" he began before he noticed the expression on his mother's face and refined his response to "shoot."

* * *

Vegeta's journey was going rather well. He had left the earth's atmosphere with out any problems and was currently making good use of the ship's advanced training facilities without fear of interruption from any women demanding he do such unnecessary activates as wash, go to bed or eat. His mood improved further when the radio started to buzz.

"I knew she couldn't live with out me!" said Vegeta proudly. He did a few more press ups, to allow Bulma to stew and to prepare his, "You could have stopped me before I left" speech before walking calmly over to the radio.

"Hello," He said his voice giving nothing away.

"Hi honey its me," said Bulma who didn't sound particularly distressed. "Sorry to bother you but I was just wondering if you had seen Goten any where?"

"WHAT!" shouted Vegeta, "IS THAT WHY YOU CALLED ME?"

"Yes," replied Bulma calmly taking no notice of Vegeta's shouting, "you see, he and Trunks were playing hide and seek only now Goten needs to go home and we can't find him."

By now Vegeta's legendarily short temper had long since run out.

"I'm far too busy to worry where that idiot child is," he shouted back down the radio. "Don't call me again unless it's important!"

Unfortunately before Vegeta could put the radio down someone snatched it off him.

"You can't ask for help Trunks!" said Goten angrily. "That's cheating!"

Vegeta stare in absolute horror at the kid standing next to him. Slowly his eyes drifted towards the back of the ship focusing on the upturned box of, now half eaten, food supplies. By the time his brain had dealt with the shock the radio had changed hands on the other side of the line as well.

"What do you think you're playing at Goten!" shouted Gohan from the radio, "are you trying to get me in trouble!"

"But Trunks said…" protested Goten

"I don't care what Trunks said," interrupted Gohan, "all I care about is the fact that if I don't get you home in five minutes mum's going to kill me!"

"Okay," said Goten sadly "I'm coming."

The young Saiyan (I've got board of writing half Saiyan all the time) put the radio down and walk towards the door. He was just about to open it when Vegeta's brain finally became fully operational again. A second later he had knocked Goten to the floor.

"Don't open the door you idiot, you kill us all!" Vegeta screamed.

"But," protested an increasingly distressed Goten, "how can I go home without opening the door?"

"Well there's a small problem with going home considering that home is over a million miles away."

"Wow that's a big number!" said Goten, "but mum never said that it was that far to Trunks' house."

"That's because we're not at MY house!" explained Vegeta.

* * *

"Your where?" Asked a now furious Gohan through the increasingly faint radio.

"In a space ship, don't you have ears kid!" replied Vegeta.

Gohan grinded his teeth, it had been a long day and this was the last straw.

"Well turn around and bring him back!" he demanded.

"I wish I could!" said Vegeta, "But as Mr School Geek should know space ships don't work like that I'll need a planet or star to turn round!"

Gohan sighed. He had a very familiar feeling of hopelessness creeping into his stomach.

"How long will that take?" he asked with the distinct feeling that he wouldn't like the answer.

"About a day."

"A DAY!" cried Gohan, "how am I going to explain this!"

"Oh stop feeling sorry for your self!" snapped Vegeta, "it's just like you to always think of your self, oh Nappa killed my mentor. Oh Freeza killed my friend. Oh Cell killed my dad. Why don't you think of me for once, I have to spend an entire day in this tiny ship with the spawn of Kakarot!"

Now Gohan really wished that Vegeta was here, so that he could thump him. Sadly he couldn't do that, or punish Goten for hiding on the ship in the first place. Instead he left them with a few choice parting words.

"I hope you drive each other nuts!" he shouted before ending the transmission. With that he turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" asked Bulma nervously, "What are you going to tell Chi-Chi?"

"I'm going to Rio," said Gohan definitively, "I'm going to call mum from a payphone, tell her the truth, and then I'm going to Hong Kong, just to be sure…."

"Are we nearly there yet?" asked Goten for the sixtieth time.

"What do you think!" said Vegeta whose blood pressure would worry any doctor. "Look out of the window, does that planet look like earth to you!"

"Err yes" said Goten hopefully.

"You don't know what earth looks like do you?" said Vegeta.

"Of course I do" said Goten "Its brown and, err, crumbly and you shouldn't eat it."

Vegeta paused.

"Well" he said at last, "do you see any of that out of the window."

"No." said Goten dejectedly, "But can we at least stop here, I really need to go!"

"Well you should have thought of that before we left," said Vegeta automatically repeating the well rehearsed line.

"I would have gone if I had know I was going but as I didn't know I was going there was no way I could of gone!" explained Goten. Vegeta looked at the kid in a new way as he tried to work out what the he had just said.

"Oh just go in this bottle!" he said giving up.

"Thanks," said Goten quickly running off to the back of the ship.

Vegeta sighed and tried to think of something to hum to drown out the noise. Eventually he managed to get the CD player working and Vegeta settled down to some Beethoven, (well he was a prince, he needed to appear cultured, but lets just say it didn't really match up with the tunes on his MP3 player.)

Vegeta was knocked back into reality by a storm of static from the speakers. He sat up and saw sparks flying from the control panels.

"What the?" he said swinging his head around wildly looking for the source of the problem.

"Here you go, thanks," said Goten handing Vegeta an empty bottle.

"Empty?" said Vegeta some what confused, "what happened to all the, errm, water?"

"I poured it down the drain," replied Goten proudly.

"What drain?" asked Vegeta not quite shouting, yet.

"This one!" said Goten pointing to the computer cooling fan. "Gee I thought you knew about this ship."

Vegeta turned a rather impressive red colour.

"That's not a DRAIN!" bellowed Vegeta.

"Of course it is" said Goten, "It has a grate and a cutting blade to chew up rubbish like the one in our kitchen."

Vegeta smashed his head into the control panel in frustration as red lights and alarms started going off.

"Err Vegeta I think you damaged it," said Goten helpfully.

"No kidding."

* * *

Hope you enjoyed that. If you have any comments or suggestions I would be happy to hear them, even if you just want to say hi. Also I am aware that my list of type of weekends may well be incomplete. Therefore if you know of any other types of weekends let me know, I need the research for my book, "Types of Weekends". It has sold rather well in the small country of Beranda, partly due to its cheep price and the lack of toilet paper. 


	3. Happy Landings

Okay people this is chapter 3 (I need to say that because my counting occasionally goes wrong). Due to laziness on the writer's part I have borrowed a planet from the DC universe for this story. It also fitted the bill perfectly. Of course this will be combined with the obligatory guest appearances but I hope this add to rather than detracts from the story…. Even though it would be quite an achievement to detract any more from this story I am going to try.

* * *

Happy Landings

I like to start each chapter with a few relevant, interesting, incredibly useful and totally accurate facts in the hope that those of you who read the story might learn something. I also like to start off the story by lying.

Anyway today's facts are about bad landings. In the early days of aircraft design the way a plane got off and onto the ground was very important, mainly because you would only fly for a few yards before landing again. However as aircraft became better at flying designer spent less time thinking about what they would do on the ground. This reached it's height in World War 2 in which there were several truly awful designs. Two examples are as followed. The Messerschmitt Bf 109; more of these were built then any other aircraft in history, it was great in the air but on the ground it was hopeless. Come in to land not quite straight or on a rough surface and the landing gear, which was too narrow, would cause the plane to veer off into trees, ditches or buildings with fatal results. Too fast and the plane would bounce back off the ground, do a flip and land on its head. And if it was in a particularly vindictive mood the landing gear might just collapse altogether. The allies weren't much better. The F4U Corsair was a brilliant fighter bomber in the Pacific theatre but it had such a large engine in front of the cockpit that the pilot couldn't see the aircraft carrier he was trying to land on till he hit it!

Still when it comes to lazy landing techniques it is impossible to beat the Saiyan Space Pod. The concept of simply crashing in to your destination while cost effective and no doubt successful was never popular with the poor souls who had to use them. It is important to note that the likes of Freeza never travelled in such crafts themselves, they had more sense. However as they plummeted towards the surface of the planet around which they had been orbiting not long ago Goten and Vegeta could take comfort in the knowledge that there ship, being based off a Saiyan design, was capable of surviving the inevitable crash. What they couldn't take comfort in was that when Dr Brief had modified the craft to contain a training facility, bedroom and coffee machine he hadn't put any padding in the ship to protect the occupants in the case of a crash….

* * *

Through out the first seven years of his life Goten had never experienced quite this much pain before, even during a fight with Trunks or a slap on the wrist from his Mum. Eventually he managed to get off the floor, which on closer inspection turned out to be the ceiling, and tried to work out where he was. He appeared to be alone.

"Vegeta?" he called out nervously, and to the kid's relief some groans came from a closet. Goten ran towards the source of the sound and looked in side.

"Hey, why didn't you tell me there was a toilet in here?" he asked Vegeta accusingly. Fortunately for Goten, Vegeta hadn't heard him as he was to busy trying to get his head out of the aforementioned toilet. He eventually succeeded in this by smashing it with his fists. He landed on the ceiling with a thud. Goten walked up to him.

"Err are you alright Vegeta?" he asked.

"Yes I'm fine!" said Vegeta, "why crashing a space ships in to an alien planet never hurt anyone!"

"Oh, okay then," said Goten cheerfully, having never come across sarcasm before. "So what do we do now?"

The Saiyan Prince was silent for a while, Goten assumed that he must be in deep thought, and he was right. Only Vegeta was using the time to try and work out if there was away he could kill Goten without getting blamed. Eventually (and some what reluctantly) he dropped the idea and came up with a more practical course of action.

"We need to find out where we are" he declared with out getting up. "Someone on this planet might have a space ship I err we can steal, err borrow."

"Okey dokey," responded Goten causing Vegeta to cringe. Despite this the two Saiyans walked to the door.

"Wait!" said Goten suddenly before they opened the door. "How do we know the air's breathable out there?" he asked. Vegeta looked at Goten as if the kid had just turned into a Super Saiyan.

"Where on earth did that come from?" he asked in a state of shock.

"They always check that the air is breathable on Star Trek!" declared Goten "Perhaps we should scon it."

"Well we can't SCAN it because the electrics are fried in case you didn't notice."

"Really how did that happen?"

Vegeta was about to throttle Goten when he suddenly came up with a better idea.

"I know exactly how to test if the air is safe," he said proudly.

* * *

Goten crashed in to the ground a few yards away from the ship as he heard the door slam behind him. The young Saiyan quickly leaped to his feat and looked around. He wasn't sure exactly what happened if the air wasn't breathable but what ever it was he had no intention of allowing it to sneak up on him. However to Goten's surprise the planet was very pleasant. The grass was short, the hedges were cut into neat squares, or in some cases animal shapes. There was a gravel path travelling beside a purple stone wall covered in creepers. Behind him there was a palace that's size and beauty was easily enough to stun the young Saiyan. And unlike the pictures of the moon Gohan had shown him the only creator insight was the one the space ship had landed in.

Goten so busy wondering why such an ugly creator in the middle of a very nice garden hadn't been filled in that he didn't notice someone sneaking up on him.

"Buu!" his stalker shouted from no more than a few inches away. Goten screamed and leaped into the air grabbing hold of a tree branch to keep his attack at bay. As he hung from the tree Goten heard a noise that sounded like laughing. He turned around a looked down to see a little ginger haired girl laughing on below him. Most boys of his age would have been annoyed at being tricked bye a girl but Goten, having been made from the same mould as his farther was able to see the funny side of it. He jumped out of the tree.

"Hi I'm Goten" he said happily introducing himself. To his surprise the girl didn't reply but merely stared at him blankly. Eventually she opened her mouth and let out a bunch of noises that made absolutely no sense. Goten stare back at her equally blankly as she had stared at him.

The silence was broken by Vegeta finally emerging from the ship.

"As you're still alive I'm going to assume the air is safe," he said to Goten before looking at the girl. "Humph. Just like Kakarot, you've made a friend already."

Goten had no idea what a Kakarot was but he decided it must be a good thing.

"I think so," he replied returning his thoughts to the task at hand, "but I can't understand what she's saying."

"Don't worry about that," said Vegeta in a particularly arrogant tone of voice, "I'll show you a little trick we used in Freeza's army to talk to beings like this."

Very calmly Vegeta bent down and stared straight into the girl's eyes before he started to speak.

"W-H-E-R-E A-R-E W-E?" he asked speaking very loudly and slowly accompanying each word with an elaborate hand gesture. This technique got the response it deserved. The girl, her eyes turning green flew into the air so that her eyes were at the same height as Vegeta's. Once there she proceeded to say something very slowly and loudly back to Vegeta. Goten watch as Vegeta face produced a very unpleasant expression. Suddenly this was replaced by delight.

"Green eyes" he said proudly, "That means she's a Tamaranian."

"Can you speak Tamaoaswhatian?" asked Goten hopefully. Vegeta buoyed by his recent flash of genius appeared to have regained his confidence.

"Of course I can," he said "Saiyan Prince's are always taught languages, threats work much better when your enemy hears them in their own tongue."

"Great!" said Goten happily "What's her name?"

"Why do we want to know her name?" asked Vegeta.

"It's polite, and Mum always says you should be polite to people," announced Goten as though it was one of the Ten Commandments.

"Don't be daft," retorted Vegeta. "We just want to know where we can find a ship."

With that Vegeta turned to the girl and did his best to say;

"Alright runt, where will we find a space ship to get off this junk pile?"

But due to Vegeta's critical lack of talent at languages it came out as;

"I eat butterflies and lawnmowers." Well no one said Tamaranian had to make sense. Of course the little girl found it hilarious.

"Stuff this!" declared Vegeta angrily and he stormed back into the ship. Goten heard a number of loud bangs and crashes before Vegeta re-emerged from the ship. He was carrying too visor like devices.

"What are those?" asked Goten curiously.

"Scouters," declared Vegeta, "They can translate for us." With that he handed Goten one with a green lens, taking a red one for him self. Goten quickly copied Vegeta to put it on and then turned to the girl.

"Err is she saying 30 a lot?" he asked. Vegeta sighed and flicked a switch on Goten's scouter.

"Try now," Vegeta ordered.

"Hello?" the girl said suddenly.

"Hey I understood that!" said Goten excitedly. "I mean my name is Goten what's yours?"

"I'm Kori" replied she replied happily, "I am pleased to meat you and your funny friend."

"I am not funny or his friend!" protested Vegeta. "Look kid we just need to know where the nearest space port is can you give us directions?"

Kori appeared to go in to deep thought for a while,

"No," she answered at last, "but I know who would."

"Who?" demanded Vegeta.

"My k'norfka Galfore!" replied Kori excitedly. "He knows everything."

"Really?" asked Goten, "Dose he know the difference between butter and "I can't believe it's not butter"?"

"I'm surprised you remember those adverts," muttered Vegeta, suddenly the Saiyan Prince's voice changed, "Well what are we waiting for," he said quickly and in an over friendly tone, "let go see this Galfore."

"Very well," said Kori cheerfully, "follow me."

With that she skipped off. Moments later the Saiyans followed her (they didn't skip by the way).

"Why the rush?" asked Goten as they went.

"Simple really kid," replied Vegeta, "I saw the gardener coming, and I don't think he's going to like what we did to his lawn."

Just then, a little way behind them, someone screamed…

* * *

Three chapters down…err… some more to go, I'm not sure yet. Anyway if you have any thoughts, constructive criticism, spotted of some glaring mistake I've made or just want to say hi please send me a review. Oh and as for our guest stars more famous name answers on a postcard please. Get it right and you could win a prize… you almost certainly won't but it could happen. 


	4. The Rules of Diplomacy in Action

They just keep on coming don't they! This is chapter err 1,2,3 …. 4! In this chapter we get to meat the main villain of the piece. I think I've given him a unique name but just if you know of, or are someone who have used this name your self, then he is not suppose to be a copy and sorry if he is. Oh yes we can also play "spot the really lazy name" in this chapter, so read and enjoy…

* * *

The Rules of Diplomacy in Action

There are several important rules to remember when running a country or planet. Firstly, no one ever reads or believes your election promises so there's no need to keep them. Secondly, if your not an elected ruler you must keep your promises or else people will throw you out in favour of a system which allows them to change which liar is in charge every few years. Thirdly never invade Russia, it will be too cold for your army (who will starve or freeze to death) and why would you want to conquer it any way? And finally remember who your friends are, they are the guys who can obliterate your nation in the blink of an eye if they wanted to.

There is always a top dog on the international, or galactic, scene. These are the people who are strong enough to push anyone around and, as a result, are entitled to say, buy, make and invade what ever they want. All the smaller nations can do is try to stay on there good side and wait for the inevitable decline of this great power. Then they can kick them a bit before fighting to be the next top dog.

At the time that Goten and Vegeta found them selves on Tamaran the top dog was still the Icea Empire. However, ever since that embarrassing mess on Namek they had been in decline. Still they couldn't let anyone know that…

* * *

Zibon looked at his watch, two hours till they reached Tamaran. That was in some way a relief. It had been a long journey and Zibon really needed some fresh air. Of course in the process of getting fresh air he would have to endure the hospitality of the Tamaraneans and with it their acquired tastes in food. He would also have to endure the presence of his boss. Still the sooner they began, the sooner it would be over. That wasn't strictly true but thinking that it was kept Zibon from going insane and deliberately steering the ship into the nearest star!

"Err sir we are nearly at our destination," said the ship's pilot choosing his words with care, "perhaps we should get Lord Thermos out of the bath, you know how long…I mean how much attention to detail he likes to put in to getting ready for these things."

"I guess so." Zibon replied with a sigh, "You have the bridge."

With that the men saluted and he left the bridge. Zibon slowly plodded down the corridors towards Lord Thermos' private quarters. It wasn't that he didn't want his boss to be ready for the meeting; he just really didn't like Thermos. No one did. Partly because he'd only got his job through family connections, but mainly because he was an arrogant jerk! He was also a vain bully who believed he was great at everything, quite a surprising feat for someone with no talent. All in all he was just the kind of guy that the King would send on a diplomatic mission to a far away dump like Tamaran!

Bearing this is mind Zibon carefully, and reluctantly, knocked on the door.

"Enter!" declared an artificially deep voice from in side. Zibon did so and found him self in Lord Thermos' bathroom.

There wasn't much you could say about the bathroom, except that it made Buckingham palace look like an out-house. Everything that could be was made from gold, even the handrails which you had to hold on to avoid falling over on the ludicrously slippery marble floor. The mats and towels were made from the finest silks in the known galaxy. They were of course useless for drying your self but Thermos never let practicality get in the way of style.

Zibon managed to close the door with out falling over and turned to Thermos. The royal Icea was busy looking at one of his latest portraits. He didn't even look at Zibon before asking;

"Do you think red is really my colour?"

Zibon looked at the portrait. It showed a considerably taller version of Thermos, wearing shiny golden armour and a red cape, standing victoriously in the middle of a battle field. Apparently he had lead his men to a great victory. Zibon sighed, that battle had actually happened, and Thermos's men had won. What the portrait failed to mention was that the enemies were pacifist farmers whose only weapons were mangos, and that Thermos had still managed to lose half his army! Still he had been asked a question;

"You look as good in red as you do in any other colour," he replied truthfully.

"I thought so," said Thermos proudly, misinterpreting Zibon's reply entirely. "You may go now."

"Err my lord," Zibon began trying to hide his annoyance, "I came to see you, you didn't send for me."

"Really?" Thermos paused to think for a moment, before finally conceding the point, "Well what do you want then?"

"I just came to tell you that we are only two hours from Tamaran sir," replied Zibon.

"Really, well I better get ready," replied Thermos importantly, "I can't greet those barbarians naked, they might think I'm one of them." Thermos laughed, Zibon merely faked a chuckle.

"Seriously sir, please don't call them barbarians at the meeting," he begged "we can't afford to lose any more allies!"

"Ungratefully traitors!" snapped Thermos suddenly from no where. "Those planets that turn against us I mean, after all we did for them! We could have destroyed them but we didn't, and now they all just want to take advantage of our national tragedy."

Zibon nodded solemnly.

"If only Lord Freeza, King Cold and Cooler had not had those horrible water skiing accidents all would be well," sighed Zibon, sticking to the official reason for their leader's deaths.

"Quite," agreed Thermos. "Why are we going to Tamaran anyway?"

"King Fridge wants us to bring back a, supposedly, magic gem which the Tamaraneans are giving to us in return for military protection from there enemies," explained Zibon for what he was sure was the millionth time.

"Huh, sounds like those imps tricked our esteemed leader in to a bum deal, magic gem indeed," grumbled Thermos, showing that he had a modicum of common sense. Then when and ruined it, "Still must look my best. Zibon go see my valet and tell him to pick out the suit of amour that will go best with the colour scheme in the palace!"

Zibon wanted to say, "Get stuffed you vain clot, I have more important things to worry about then making you look gay!" but as a professional second in command who wanted to get a promotion at some point he merely said "Yes Sir" while hurrying out of the room before Thermos could give him anymore "orders".

* * *

Kori happily lead Goten and Vegeta through the massive corridors that made up the palace. It was quite a squeeze despite the width as hundreds of Tamaraneans were also hurrying up and down the corridors, carrying food, chairs, tables and tapestries. Seeing the food reminded Vegeta how long it had been since he had eaten, it also had the amazing ability to make Vegeta no longer hungry. Most of it looked like it had been eaten once already, the rest like it wasn't quite dead yet. Goten wasn't bothered.

"Tastes like worms," he declared happily having taken something off one of the passing trays. Vegeta did his best not to throw up.

"Oi, kid! What are all these people doing?" he asked trying to take his mind off the food.

"Oh they are preparing for a big feast this evening," replied Kori, "Galfore says it is very important so I have to keep out of the way."

"Why is it important?" asked Vegeta.

"I do not know, but it is," said Kori showing the same blind belief in the words of her elders as Goten did.

"Thanks, that's very helpful." Said Vegeta in response.

"Your welcome," said Kori proving that she could match Goten's innocence in other areas too.

Presently they came to a great hall. This appeared to be the centre of attention. Vegeta swore Goten's eyes where about to explode out of his head at the size of the place. It was enormous, with a ceiling painted to match the night's sky; a black marble floor lined with beautifully weaved red carpets. Massive tapestries hung from the walls perfectly framing the glorious golden throne that stood at the head of the grand table around which the festivities where being prepared. Vegeta grudgingly admitted that it was a little nicer then his living room, but only a little.

"Hey Vegeta do you think we could go to the feast?" asked Goten eagerly.

"No chance!" replied Vegeta, who had felt ill enough looking at a tray of Tamaranean food and thus had no intention of going anywhere near a huge table covered in it.

"But you're a Prince!" declared Goten "Surely they have to give you a place, or else it would be an insult or something."

"Which TV show did you pick that up off?" asked Vegeta rudely, but they where interrupted before Goten could reply.

"You're a Prince?" asked Kori eagerly. Vegeta sighed "modestly" and was about to "grudgingly" admitted that he was, when he spotted one of the flags on the wall.

"No," he replied quickly, "no I'm not."

"That not what you always tell me!" said Goten sounding morally outraged. "You always say that you're Prince of all Saiy…"

"Ignore him!" said Vegeta to Kori as he clenched his hand tightly over Goten's mouth. "He just has an over active imagination!"

"Okay then," said Kori happily and turned to continue there journey. Before they could the room was filled with the sound of trumpets. All the workers stopped at once and moved to the edge of the hall. There they bowed down leaving a path through the great hall. Realizing the need to maintain some sort of cover Vegeta grabbed Goten and followed them. Kori didn't move. At one end of the hall the huge doors opened and a line of smartly dressed solders marched in carrying pikes. Behind them walked a tall impressively dressed man, surrounded by a small group of officials. Vegeta didn't need an announcer to tell him who the man was. The King of Tamaran had arrived.

With his heavy escort in tow the King walked past the tables admiring the servants work. After a few minutes and a lot of nodding he came to Kori, who was standing some what in the way of the procession. Vegeta had heard many stories about the Tamaraneans and if half of them were true he wouldn't have stood in the way like that it he was a little girl. However most of the stories had to be lies, like most stories in fact, as the guards did not proceed to beat the little girl. Instead the guards stood there almost respect fully as one of the courtiers with the king broke ranks.

"Koriand'r, thank goodness we've found you," said a huge bearded man who Vegeta had pegged as a warrior until he said that. Kori went flew forwards and gave the man a hug.

"Do not worry Galfore I am fine," she said "I just when for a walk in the garden."

"Still you should have told me where you were going," said Galfore sternly, "especially considering the security breach we just had." A hushed gasp rose from the crowd.

"I was quite safe." Kori attempted to reassure him.

"Kori, you should listen to your k'norfka," said the King, finally speaking up, "We still haven't found these intruders, and seeing as they were desperate enough to deliberately crash their ship to get in hear who knows what they are capable of. I do not wish to see my daughter in any danger."

"Your daughter!" thought Vegeta, "Stupid kid you could have told us that earlier." Just then another though occurred to him. "Please, please don't tell them about us!" he mentally begged.

"You needed not to worry," Kori persisted, "If I had got into any trouble my new friends Goten and Vegeta would have helped me out." Vegeta swore to himself.

"New friends?" said the king slowly. The guards and courtiers all looked around. Vegeta froze and hoped to hide in the crowd. He wished he had chosen to wear something other than his Saiyan amour this morning. Looking around he realized he should have worn something purple, and died his hair orange too. Still it wouldn't have done much good as Goten in his orange fighting uniform stood out like a laser rock concert in a dessert at night.

"There they are," pointed out Kori not helping the situation. There was another gasp from the crowd and about two nanoseconds later the Tamaranean warriors had surrounded the two Saiyans in a neat dome.

"What's going on?" asked Kori nervously.

"I'm sorry Kori," said Galfore quietly leading her away.

"Wait, Kori where are you going," asked Goten sounding completely lost.

"Forget her," snapped Vegeta, "We have bigger things to worry about kid."

"You have one chance to explain yourself Saiyan," demanded the King. Vegeta paused to think for a sec.

"I could you know," he said before suddenly transforming into a Super Saiyan, "but what would be the fun in that!"

The guards' hesitation cost them dear and a second later they had enjoyed a rather close in counter with Vegeta's fist. Laughing like a maniac Vegeta race towards the door. A call from behind made him stop.

"Halt Saiyan or else we kill your son!" Vegeta swung round to see Goten being held down by five guards, one had a knife at the kid's throat. Despite this both Saiyans felt the need to point out that…

"He's/I'm not his father/son!" they cried (delete as appropriate).

The king turned to Goten;

"Didn't your mother tell you not to travel with strange men?" he asked mockingly.

"Yes," replied Goten taking the question literally, "but Vegeta's not a strange man, most of the time."

The king decided to ignore the kids comment.

"Okay Saiyan what are you going to do, give yourself up or let the kid die?" he asked.

A few minutes a go Vegeta would have given himself up in return for them killing the kid, however now he wasn't so sure, if Chi-Chi ever found out there probably wouldn't be enough left of him to fit in a match box.

"What happens if I give my self up?" he asked quickly hitting the guard who had tried to sneak up on him. The king thought for a while.

"We will hand you over to the Iceas this afternoon," he declared definitively, "You two can be extra gifts."

"Really," said Vegeta thoughtfully. This could be his best chance to get close to one of Freeza's relatives for years. If he played along for now he might be able to get some more revenge. Yes it was another fool proof plan! "Very well, I'll come quietly."

"Very good," said the king, "take them… what" he said looking at Goten who had raised his hand.

"Can I come kicking and screaming?" the kid asked…

* * *

I did it! I got thought the whole chapter without mentioning lawnmowers...RATS! Anyway that's four chapters down and the plot is beginning to thicken. Soon it might take on the consistency of air, if we're lucky. Anyway if you have anything to say about the story, including constructive criticism just send me a review! 


	5. Home Sick

Chapter 5, and I would just like to let you know I do requests, Happyface 101 asked if we could see what was happening to people on earth, so I'm going to let you know……

* * *

Home Sick

Home sickness is perfectly normal. When ever people go away, even for a short amount of time they will invariably think of home at some point. Whether it's how much more comfy the beds at home are, or how annoying it is to be away from an internet connection or TV. Perhaps you're missing a friend or you could even be contemplating how no one at home ever used you as a diplomatic bargaining chip! People will always at some point on a journey wish that they were at home. Of course sometimes the exact opposite happens and you couldn't be happier to be away from home….

* * *

Gohan carefully sipped tea out of a fine china cup. At the same time he was doing his best not to laugh. He thought back to when he was young and how strict his mum had been about his table manors. Whenever he or his farther had protested she had always said it was just in case Gohan ever had diner with the Emperor of Japan or high tea with the Queen of England.

"One down one to go," he thought to himself, replacing his tea cup upon its saucer.

"Thank you for the tea again your majesty." He said politely.

"No, thank you Mr Saiyaman," replied The Queen, "if it had not been for you those thieves would have got away with the crown jewels. Giving you tea was the least we could do to thank you."

"It was nothing honestly," said Gohan maintaining his super hero decorum. Just then his watch started to beep. "Terribly sorry your Majesty," he said apologetically, "but I really must be going. Saving the world waits for no man."

"Very well, good luck," said The Queen as Gohan got up. "You will be back to collect that knighthood though."

"Of course," replied Gohan eagerly "I'll see you in June." And with that Gohan did his "coolest" pose and flew out of an (open) window.

As he race out of London Gohan wondered where he should go next. The watch alarm had not been there to alert him to danger, but to remind him that he had spent too long in the same country and there was a small chance that Chi-Chi might catch up with him! It wasn't that he didn't want to be there for his mother as she worried herself sick over nothing; it was just that he didn't want to be there in person, near to frying pans and other objects that could be thrown. It would be good for her any way, she could learn to cope with her worries by her self, and by the time Gohan got back most of her anger would have been deflected on to Goten, who deserved it. Still in order to ease his guilty conscience he brought a football and went to Iraq to teach some orphaned children Soccer.

* * *

Bulma opened the door to let Krillin in.

"Did you know that your lawnmower is outside the front gate?" the monk said taking Bulma back a bit as she had expected him to say hello.

"What's it doing there?" she asked wondering if Krillin had finally flipped.

"Hitch hiking!" replied Krillin confirming Bulma's theory.

"Really, how nice," she said taking no a soothing tone, "and where does the lawnmower want to got Krillin?"

"The sign says "Pentagon or Bust!"" said Krillin, "it's probably just a trick played by Trunks, anyway why did you want to see me?"

"Well you remember how 18 wishes that you had more money?" said Bulma.

"How could I forget?" grumbled Krillin.

"Well I have another odd job for you to do," finished Bulma keenly.

"Oh no, I'm not doing another one of Vegeta's chores," said Krillin, "not after last time."

"Oh why not, I'll pay you," said Bulma pleading slightly.

"You still haven't paid me for painting the house!" Krillin declared indigently.

"Well I couldn't help it if the police thought you where breaking in," said Bulma innocently, "It was a bit stupid to paint the house at night though."

"I had started in the morning," said Krillin unhappily, "It's a really big house!"

"Anyway as I explained, by the time they let you go I was short on cash," replied Bulma innocently. "Anyway I just want you to cut the grass, and I will pay you this time honest."

"Cut the grass…" mussed the monk, "wait and minute, isn't your lawnmower broken and apparently trying to get to Washington?"

"Well I thought you could use these scissors," suggested Bulma.

"You have to be kidding!" exclaimed Krillin, "there's no way I'm doing that. Get Trunks to do it, surely he's old enough by now."

"How could you be so heartless," said Bulma accusingly, "Trunks' farther and best friend are missing, he's really upset about it, I can't ask him to mow the lawn."

"YES, WOWHOO, I'M THE KING OF VIDEO GAMES!" called an incredibly badly timed voice from upstairs.

"See he's incomplete denial about it, it's not healthy," said Bulma but it wasn't too hard to tell that Krillin was far from convinced.

"Sorry Bulma there is absolutely nothing that could make me do this!" he declared. This was of course tempting fate.

Just then the door flew open and a very distressed looking Chi-Chi ran into the building.

"Any news on my Goten," she burst out tearfully shaking Bulma by her shoulders, before suddenly calming down to say, "and did you know your lawn mower is hitch hi…"

"Yes I know about the lawnmower," said Bulma, "but I'm afraid we haven't heard anything from Vegeta." She braced herself for Chi-Chi's reaction, taking note that Krillin and the scissors had already vanished for sight.

"Oh no!" wailed Chi-Chi, "there in trouble I know it, they could of crashed on a planet, or been kidnapped by pirates and Goten doesn't even have a sweater!"

"Calm down," soothed Bulma, "You know what Vegeta's like, he's probably sulking and doesn't want to talk to us."

"We'll see about that!" snapped Chi-Chi marching into mission control and grabbing the radio, "Vegeta! Answer this machine right now!" she demanded. Of course there was no response; there wasn't even any back ground noise."

"He might have turned it off," suggested Bulma hoping Chi-Chi would remain calm, especially around all the expensive equipment, "or maybe their just entering the earth's atmosphere right now."

"They could be?" asked Chi-Chi hopefully.

"Yes they could be," repeated Bulma hoping against hope that she was right, "They could be intending to surprise us in just a few minutes!" Chi-Chi thought for a few seconds.

"But I what to know where my little Goten is now!" she wailed nervously. Just then Bulma had a brain wave.

"I know," she said, "We could ask Piccolo, he so good at sensing energy he would probably be able to tell us exactly where they are."

"Great," said Chi-Chi enthusiastically, "but wouldn't we have to go to Kami's look out to do that?"

"No need," said Bulma chirpily, "I got him a mobile for Christmas so we should be able to call him on that..."

* * *

Piccolo jumped and looked around angrily. As far as he could tell it sounded like someone near by was strangling a cat. Then he realised that it was his mobile phone. He really wished that he hadn't chosen "strangling cat" as his ring tone but he had no idea how to change it. With a heavy sigh Piccolo picked up the phone and pressed the biggest button. There was an artificial sound of shutters opening and closing and the screen cheerfully displayed a fuzzy picture of the floor. Piccolo growled and pressed another button, at which point the phone automatically signed him up for a text dating service. The next button sent everyone in the world an insulting text message and the one after that deleted the entire contents of his phone book. Finally Piccolo threw the phone to the floor and jumped on it for a while. That done he calmly bent down a picked it up.

"Hello," he said calmly.

"Hello Mr Piccolo," said an overly cheery voice, "we were just wondering if you where happy with the cost of your peak mid-range international calls?"

"Yes I am!" snapped the Namek, angrily hanging up (and taking another photo at the same time). When the phone rang again a few minutes later the process repeated itself…

"What!" snapped the Namek when he finally managed to answer it.

"Hi Piccolo," said a cheery Bulma from the other end of the line, "how are you doing?"

"Can we cut the small talk?" replied Piccolo, "I have a feeling this is costing me money!"

"For the one hundredth time it only costs money to make a call, not to receive one!" the science replied.

"What exactly do you want?" asked Piccolo annoyed at being patronised.

"We were wondering if you could tell us where Goten and Vegeta are?" asked Bulma.

"What, can't you call them on their mobiles!" mocked Piccolo keen to prove the folly of this technology.

"No, Vegeta doesn't carry a mobile," replied Bulma, "He says there for saps, what an idiot."

"Tell him we now have something in common," retorted the Namek.

"Listen Namek just tell us where they are or else I'll bring Chi-Chi up there to ask you personally!" snapped Bulma.

"There's no need to make threats," said Piccolo quickly. "Just be patient for a second and I'll let you know where they are…"

* * *

"Apparently they're on a planet called Tamaran," Bulma said carefully to Chi-Chi once the conversation with Piccolo had finished.

"What! Where's that? What are they doing there, they should be here!" moaned Chi-Chi.

"Relax!" said Bulma calmly, "Piccolo said the planet's perfectly safe, Vegeta is by far the strongest person on it so there in no danger. They probably stopped for a picnic or something. Maybe Vegeta is sharing his knowledge of the universe with Goten, he could learn a lot. Maybe it will even teach Vegeta the value of spending time with his own son!" she finish, suddenly very enthusiastic about the idea. Chi-Chi was less so.

"But what if Goten's allergic to the food," she panicked, "And he's never had his shots for going abroad, he could catch anything!"

"Listen, Chi-Chi," said Bulma finally running low on patience, "No one caught anything on Namek and we were there for much long then they've been on this Tamaran place."

"Yes but then Gohan had a sweater." Chi-Chi pointed out. "No your right," she said suddenly pulling herself together, "they will probably be fine, and Vegeta's never let one of my boys get hurt before, except when he tried to kill them but that doesn't really count does it."

"No it doesn't," agreed Bulma privately celebrating her victory.

"Yes," said Chi-Chi now completely calm. "I'll go make some tea."

"Get me some!" said Krillin leaning in through the widow, "This is thirsty work."

"Were you listening to our conversation?" asked Bulma accusingly.

"Hey it was practically impossible not to!" said Krillin defensively.

"Don't worry Krillin," said Chi-Chi who was now in full nice mode, "I'll make you one too, any one else."

"Yeah you better get one for Yamcha," said Krillin looking down the path, "he looks pretty rough."

A few seconds later Yamcha burst into the house.

"Your lawnmower just car-jacked me!" he exclaimed in a state of shock. Everyone looked for a second and but then turned away.

"Look don't worry about Goten and Vegeta," said Krillin encouragingly, "Their probably having the time of there lives."

"Yeah," said Bulma softly, "I wonder what their up to right now…."

* * *

Vegeta lay on his hard prison bunk listening to the awful noise coming from above. Eventually he cracked.

"If you blow on that harmonica one more time I am going to shove it where the sun doesn't shine!" he snapped!

"Sorry," Goten said.

* * *

Hope you all liked that, the plot will be developed a lot more next chapter…. What! There is a plot you know. Anyway if you have anything to say, point out or request just send me a review, it's really easy. Oh I also feel obliged to tell you that if you're not happy with the cost of your peak mid-range international calls then text P-I-C-C-O-L-O to 07823 555 7589 234…. 


	6. The Super Saiyan Redemption

Right here is chapter 6. Sorry if you expected me to update over the weekend. I don't update over weekends because everyone else dose and I like to be different. Well, to be strictly correct, not everyone updates over weekends, a lot of people don't, and it isn't so much me being different as it is me being lazy. Any way I've probably got on a little too long here so on with the show….

* * *

The Super Saiyan Redemption

Prison cells are not pleasant places. Why would they be? If someone's committed a crime no self respecting justice system would lock you up in a five star hotel room. That wouldn't be much of a punishment. Thus they are dull, cold, dark and uncomfortable. Throw in a bit of over crowding, a bucket for a toilet (still used in some countries), unpleasant cell mate and the monotonous routine that makes up prison life and you have created a place that will suitably remind people that crime doesn't pay. In order to stay sane prisoner do all sorts of things, from writing poetry, painting, playing sport or trying to escape. Others will continue there criminal activities among the other prisoners behind bars. And other even more unpleasant individuals will try to drive there cell mates insane….

* * *

"… and that's where babies come from." Finished Vegeta hoping that that was the last question. Goten had been asking him things none stop, probably due to boredom rather then curiosity.

"Oh." Said Goten thoughtfully, "Mum always said that a stork brought them."

"Well they don't!" snapped Vegeta! There were a few moments of silence before Goten responded.

"Vegeta I don't thing ducks are strong enough to carry babies." He said.

"Well as a kid you're not supposed to think, you're supposed to do as you're told!" Vegeta replied. This was followed by more silence. For a moment Vegeta thought he might have finally shut the kid up, but it was not to be;

"Vegeta?" Goten began to ask.

"What!"

"You know that Yellow hair thingy you did…"

"You mean Super Saiyan kid," corrected Vegeta, hoping that if he answered Goten's questions quickly enough he would run out.

"Err yeah, Supper Sayon, well could I do that?" Goten asked. Vegeta laughed.

"Don't be ridiculous, you can't turn into a Super Saiyan," he said.

"Why not?" protested Goten jumping off his bunk to face Vegeta.

"Because you're just a sissy kid!" explain Vegeta rather cruelly, "you need to have gone though years of training to be skilled enough to become a Super Saiyan."

"But I can!" protested Goten.

"Oh no you can't!"

"Oh yes I can"

"Oh no you can't!"

"Oh yes I can"

"Oh no you can't!"

"Oh yes I can"

"Keep this up much longer and we're going to need two guys dressed up as a horse," said Vegeta (this might just be a British joke) "Oh no you can't!"

Goten stared at Vegeta angrily and then began to power up, as quick as a flash, the energy around him turned yellow. A moment later there was a flash of light briefly consumed him. When the kid reappeared he had yellow hair and green eyes. Vegeta looked at him as if he had just asked him whether the air on an unknown planet was breathable! He was so shocked that he even turned on his scouter to check that his senses weren't playing tricks on him.

"HOW THE H…H…. HECK DID YOU MANGE THAT!" he finally burst out when he got the scouter result.

"I did it when I was training with Mum…" Goten began to explain but the Saiyan Prince quickly cut him off.

"Then why didn't you do it when we were being attacked by the Tamaranean warriors were attacking us!" he demanded.

"Because Mum told me never to do it again." said Goten sadly, "if she knew I was doing it now I would be I big trouble. Your not going to get mad at me are you?"

Vegeta wasn't mad. He was furious!

"How could this be happening," he thought "Kakarot's kids just keep on getting stronger, it s like he's still rubbing my face in it even though he's dead!"

"Fine" he said giving in, "If you can turn into a Super Saiyan you might as well make use of it."

"You mean I can do it, but what about mum?" said Goten trying to hide his excitement.

"Well what your mum doesn't know won't hurt her," said Vegeta slyly.

"But mum seems to know everything," protested Goten, "she even new when I took the last cookie!"

"I doubt it took a master detective to work that out," said Vegeta dismissively, "any way the only other person who will know about this is me, and I won't tell her, so as long as you don't it will be fine."

"Really? Wow Vegeta, you're the coolest adult I know," said Goten eagerly, "no matter what Gohan, Krillin and Yamcha say!"

"Take that Kakarot," muttered Vegeta smugly, then something occurred to him, "Wait a second, what do they say?"

* * *

Zibon slowly poked at the food on his plate with his fork. Finally he plucked up the courage to stab the thing with it. A large amount of disgusting runny fluid came out but the thing didn't try to get up and run off the plate. Now, quite satisfied that the creature was dead Zibon stuffed as much as possible into his mouth and did his level best to swallow it before it touched his tongue. He wasn't quite successful in this particular respect but he did mange to avoid throwing up.

"Mmmm good," he lied to the Tamaranean official sitting next to him. "Really sir you must try this."

"Sorry Zibon," replied Thermos sulkily "I only eat food!"

He probably thought he had been witty, and in the days when everyone had been afraid of the Icear Empire he would had got a laugh from his hosts, nowadays though Zibon was the only one who laughed, and he had his own reasons for doing so.

"How funny Sir," he said desperately hoping that the Tamaraneans could be convinced that it was a joke. When he looked around though all their hosts where too busy eating to have noticed what ever of their guests had said. Zibon breathed a sigh of relief. Not even Thermos could mess this part up. He just hoped the negotiations went as well. He had a nasty feeling that they wouldn't!

* * *

Vegeta watched Goten lick the wooden bowl clean. He had now successfully eaten two bowls of the disgusting gloop that they had been given by the guards. Vegeta sighed, the kid was a freak.

"So what's the plan Vegeta?" asked Goten spraying gruel all over the cell, and Vegeta.

"Don't speak with you're mouthful for a start!" he snapped.

"Sorry."

"Anyway," said Vegeta brushing himself down, "The plan is this, we'll do nothing until the Iceas take us onto their spaceship."

"And then we ask them for a lift?" asked Goten trying to be clever.

"No! Even if they did give us one, which they won't, we wouldn't want a lift off those murderous scum bags anyway!" declared Vegeta angrily.

"Then how are we going to get home?" asked Goten blankly.

"Easy pickles brain, once we're on the ship we break out of the prison, kill the crew and steel the ship, its fool proof!" declared Vegeta. Goten looked pained.

"I can't do that!" he said solemnly, "Mum says people who steal things and kill people get sent to prison and that it's really nasty in there and I don't want to go…"

"…And it's a little late for that don't you think!" butted in Vegeta.

"Oh yeah," said Goten looking around at his current location. "This isn't fair" he declared suddenly, "I didn't do anything wrong, did I?"

Vegeta paused, trying to think how to best take advantage of the situation.

"No you didn't," he declared slyly, "but that's not a problem."

"Why not?" asked the confused kid.

"Well now that you've been in prison with out committing a crime your owed a crime," explained Vegeta, "so it's okay for you to commit a crime, like err… let's say steeling a spaceship!" he finished picking the example at random.

"Really?" asked Goten sounding unsure.

"Really," confirmed Vegeta, "Any lawyer would tell you that."

Goten looked like he was going to protest some more but they were interrupted by the door opening. A number of guards stood in the door way pointing spears at them.

"Follow us Saiyans!" their leader barked.

"You're the boss," declared Vegeta, obeying the order. As they moved he turned to Goten and whispered "Show time!"

* * *

The king's study was a million miles away from the prisons, not literally of course, that wouldn't have been very practical. How ever it was warm, dry and lavishly decorated with tapestries, paintings on the ceiling and ancient but beautiful furniture.

"Very nice don't you think sir." Suggested Zibon as he and thermos entered the room.

"A little bland don't you think?" said Thermos dismissively.

"I believe the word your looking for is tasteful you barbarian pratt." Muttered Zibon under his breath.

"What was that?" asked Thermos suspiciously.

"Nothing sir!" replied Zibon quickly. "Ah here's the King." He said hoping it would distract Thermos. It did.

"Right," the Icea general declared helping himself to a seat, "Let's get this thing signed so we can get off this rock!"

Zibon cringed but the King remained calm.

"Have a seat," the ruler of Tamaran offered quickly, trying to cover the fact that Thermos had helped himself. Zibon nodded his thanks and sat down next to Thermos as a courtier slid a copy of the treaty across the table.

"This is the treaty we've been negotiation over the last few months" the King declared. "All it needs now is your signature."

"Yeah you would like that wouldn't you," snapped Thermos almost giving Zibon a heart attack. "I'm not signing anything until I've read it so you better not be trying to trick us!"

With that thermos began to read the three hundred page long document. If this was meant to impress or worry the Tamaraneans clearly didn't work very well. The King and his advisor sat in respectful silence not even commenting when Thermos paused to ask;

"What dose this say?" usually followed by, "I know that you slimy clot but what dose it mean!"

Half an hour passed before Thermos got to the bottom of the first page. At this point the King intervened.

"Perhaps you would like to see the gem?" he suggested, "If we can prove it's worth that would certainly seal the deal. Right?"

"Great idea," said Zibon quickly who had been wondering if he would die of old age before he Thermos would finish.

"Very well," said Thermos, "If your "magic" gem lives up to my expectations I'll sign the treaty."

"I believe your majesty," suggested a courtier, "That we have just the thing to test it on."

"The Saiyan Prince?" the King asked hesitantly. Zibon froze.

"You have a Saiyan Prince?" he asked in a state of shock.

"Yes we captured Prince Vegeta and a young Saiyan earlier today," declared the King.

"You can't have," scoffed Thermos, "Saiyans are extinct, everyone knows that."

"Err sir," said Zibon carefully, "our sources suggest that Prince Vegeta might have been involved it the water skiing accidents."

"Really," said Thermos eagerly proving he wasn't entirely devoid of sense, "yes destroying him and avenging my uncles would really be a feather in my cap! Shame I don't have any hats that a feather really goes with."

Zibon sighed; just when you thought that he had more than sawdust between his ears he had to say a thing like that…

* * *

"Err Vegeta," said a worried sounding Goten as they followed the guards, "I don't think there leading us to a ship!"

"Of course they are you numskull," snapped Vegeta, "Where else would they be lea…" He stop suddenly as the guards reached a huge gate. As it opened the roaring sounds of cheers greeted them and Goten and Vegeta where shoved out of the dark corridors into the brilliant light out side.

Once his eyes had adjusted Vegeta realised where they were, it was a coliseum. The stands were full of cheering Tamaraneans all braying for blood. At the far side of the ring stood a fully transformed Icea, ready to fight.

"My name is Thermos," he proudly declared, "I am here to offend the deaths of my leader's!"

"Don't you mean avenge your leader's deaths?" asked Goten quizzically.

"I know what I mean!" snapped Thermos.

"Huh not much of an Icea are you," declared Vegeta, "I thought you were supposed to be named after things that made things cold!"

"Thermoses can keep things cold if they want to!" the now furious Icea declared! "For that I'm going to kill you twice as much!"

"Can he do that?" asked Goten nervously.

"Nah he couldn't even kill us once" said Vegeta dismissively, but louder enough so that Thermos could here him.

"I'll show you!" screamed Thermos charging towards them. Vegeta smiled and transformed into a Super Saiyan.

"BRING IT ON!" he shouted

* * *

Yes folks, there is going to be a fight! Well could you really have a Dragon Ball Z story with out one! Anyway it is still going to be a humour story, mainly because my attempt at writing a fight scene will probably be laughable. 


	7. Violence on TV

Okay folks Chapter seven is here! Well I'm excited even if you're not….

(Note for this chapter _characters speaking in italics are on the TV,_ hope that makes it clear for you.)

* * *

Violence on TV

**Warning **the next two paragraphs are a bit of a rant and not really funny or crucial to the story. So if you feel like ignoring them go ahead.

In today's world there is more crime and violence then there has ever been. And there is a very simple reason for that, it's because there are more people then there's ever been! You see more people means more criminals which means more crime, the fact is that the percentage of people committing and in evolved in crimes world wide is pretty much the same as it's always been. Don't let any sociologist tell you that society is breaking down. Crime and violence has been around since long before the even Ancient Egyptians. The only difference is that with TV and the internet, news of violence and crime can get around the world in minutes, only a hundred years ago it would been three weeks before anyone in Australia would know if a World War had broken out in Europe!

However TV and the internet have become victims of their own success. They have been blamed for a rise in crime and violence when they are really only responsible for a rise in awareness of crime and violence. Of course you might say that violent films do encourage murders, but TV footage from two world wars was enough to change wars whole image, from glorious adventure to mindless slaughter. Anyway the long and short of it is that due too rules about violence level this fight has to be censored, to remove any swearing, blood, injuries etc… in order that fighting might be shown without anyone having to look at the unpleasant consequences, great that really discourages violence doesn't it! Anyway that's enough of a rant from me, on with the show and my rather bizarre way of writing the fight.

* * *

Cell wondered into his living room. For an apartment in hell, (HFIL) it has quite nice really, there were some parts of the ceiling that weren't damp. A few piece of wallpaper still determinedly clung to the wall. There was a carpet, which admittedly was sticky in places, but only places. The TV even worked, some of the time.

There was the sound of electric spark and Freeza flew across the room into the near wall with a crash.

"Managed to change the fuse?" asked Cell.

"Managed to change the fuse." Confirmed his slightly blackened flat mate. Cell smiled and wondered over to the TV and turned it on (there are no remotes in hell). Static greeted him. Undeterred the deceased evil Android proceeded to wave the aerial around till he picked up some reception. Eventually images started to appear on the screen. They weren't TV images though but images of things going on in the world of the living. This was all they could watch, and as most people who have watched reality TV know, most of it is as dull as distilled water, (the actual phrase is as dull as ditch water, but I fine ditch water is actually rather interesting.)

"Rubbish, dull, boring," declared Freeza each time Cell go an image until eventually, "Oh look a police chase. Keep the aerial right there."

"Oh gee thanks!" Cell replied sarcastically, as "right there" involved him balancing himself awkwardly on a stool with the aerial held over, but just behind, his head.

"Oh just hold it up telepathically!" snapped Freeza. Cell sighed, he hated taking Freeza's advice, but the Icea did have a point.

"I would have thought of that myself," he declared sitting down on the lumpy sofa (and possibly a rat) next to Freeza.

"Of course you would of," sarcastically consoled Freeza. The two villains watched the car chase for a bit before something occurred to Cell.

"Is that a lawnmower driving the car?" he asked squinting at the screen.

Don't be ridiculous," said Freeza, "How cou…" but he was interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

"Cell, Freeza open up I know you're in there!" said a painfully familiar and friendly voice.

"Go away Goku!" shouted Cell "We haven't done anything!"

"And if you found a tunnel it wasn't ours!" added Freeza. "What?" he finished as Cell glared at him.

"Tunnel?" Goku repeated sounding a little confused, "No it's nothing like that, I just wanted to know if you where watching the fight."

"No," said Cell angrily "Can't you watch it up there with all the good people!"

"Nah they're all watching the Super Bowel," said Goku, "come on guys, I know we've been enemies in the past but since we're all dead can't we let bye gones be by gones."

"No we can't" snapped Freeza, "why is this fight so important anyway?"

"Cause my son is in it!" explained Goku "and no good farther would miss his son's first fight."

"Well your going too!" said Cell.

"Oh come on," begged Goku, before continuing slyly, "I brought nachos!"

The door swung open a second later.

"Nachos!" said Freeza eagerly with Cell leaning over his shoulder.

"Yep," confirmed Goku with a big smile on his face, "and pop corn and…"

"Come in!" said Cell who they hurried over to the TV, "Where is this fight again?"

"Tamaran," said Goku sitting himself down on the couch. The Saiyan hero paused suddenly and looked over towards the corner of the room. "Err…. Why dose Cooler have his head in a waste paper basket?" he asked.

"Oh he believes that it's a gate way to a parallel universe," said Freeza sadly, "he really hasn't been quite the same since you forcibly disconnected him from that Big Gete Star thingy."

"Well he was trying to kill me," pointed out Goku before leaning over towards Cooler. "Hey Cooler, how are you doing?" he asked.

"Sssshhh!" came the voice from the bottom of the basket, "You are disturbing my research!"

"Okay I'll leave you too it," said Goku before turning back to the TV. "That's it Cell leave it there!"

Cell froze. This particular position was even less comfortable than the last one but the evil android was able to levitate it there so he could return to the couch. There they all sat as the fight unfolded in front of them on the, admittedly slightly fuzzy, TV screen.

Goku had to admit that Vegeta had a pretty good stance as the Icea (whom the TV guide identified as Thermos) charged at him, Further more Vegeta was a Super Saiyan, so he would be stronger than his opponent. Thus he and his companions where surprised when Thermos easily broke Vegeta's defence and smashed him into a wall!

"What the?" exclaimed Freeza, who had apparently had as little faith in the Icea as Goku, "How did he manage that?"

"Maybe Vegeta is playing with him," suggested Goku, "he's not at full power and you all know how arrogant he can be."

"He's not," said Cell bluntly, "I know a lot about toying with people and having your face repeatedly smashed against the wall is not a good way to go about it."

"Ssssh, I want to hear what their saying," said Goku. The others shut up and soon Thermos's voice emerged from the speakers.

"_Had enough Saiyan?_" he asked.

"_Nope_," replied Vegeta, "_So I hope you brought seconds_!" and with that the Saiyan Prince flipped over a kicked Thermos in the stomach sending him flying up into the air. The Icea stopped himself easily but Vegeta followed it up with a huge energy blast. There was a flash of blinding light as the shot struck home and Thermos vanished from view, wearing a rather surprised look on his face.

"Nice move," commented Cell "shame about the trash talking."

"Yeah Vegeta was never any good at that," mussed Freeza, "all this, "I am a Super Saiyan", or "I'm a Saiyan prince and your just a common Clown", stuff."

"Boy do I know that last one," agreed Goku, "Still doesn't look like the fight lasted very long dose it? Sorry about that Freeza you must be a little bummed seeing one of your relatives blown up like that."

"Don't be daft!" snapped Freeza, "I don't want any young pretenders beating a Super Monkey, that would mean that they were more power full then me and no Icea is more powerful then FREEZA!" he finished leaping to his feet and striking a heroic pose.

"Do you have any idea how stupid you look?" asked Cell. Freeza paused and looked around.

"Yes," he admitted and quickly sat down, just in time for the blinding light to fade away.

"_So much for him_" declared Vegeta slowly turning round to find Thermos standing right behind him!

"_Boo_" he said before punching Vegeta in the chest. The Saiyan Prince went flying but didn't hit anything as Thermos over took him a kicked him again. The Icea proceeded to knock Vegeta around like a volley ball for almost a minute before someone intervened. Goten charged in a kicked Thermos hard in the chest sending the Icea flying.

"_Leave him alone!_" the little Super Saiyan declared as Thermos smashed into a wall.

"_Stay out of this kid!_" snapped Vegeta as he landed beside him, "_I can handle this; I don't need your help!_"

"Translation: I'm being thumped here but would rather die then except anyone's help!" joked Cell.

"This isn't funny!" said Goku seriously before shouting at the TV, "Don't listen to him Goten he needs your help!"

"He can't hear you," pointed out Cell.

"That's not a reason not to try," declared Goku.

"Yeah," agreed Freeza, "maybe if villains had that attitude, we wouldn't be beaten so often. COME ON VEGETA, PROVE THAT THERE'S NO ICEA BETTER THEN ME."

Cell stared at them to check neither one of them was foaming at the mouth before turning back to the fight. By the time there attention had returned to the TV screen Vegeta and Thermos had started fighting again. It seemed to be a fairly even tussle but the three fighters' on the couch could tell that Vegeta was seriously on the back foot. He was so busy defending that he hadn't got a hope of landing a blow on his opponent. Worse still Goten seemed to be obeying Vegeta's orders and staying out of the fight.

"Come on Goten!" cried Goku (this is a high pitched shout, he wasn't actually crying just in case any one is confused,) "Fire a Kamehameha, at him or something!"

"He looks like he wants to help," said Freeza, "but he's too scared. I've seen that look before."

"No, he's not scared," said Cell, "he just knows that he can't help, like Krillin or Tien at the Cell games."

"No," said the voice at the bottom of the waste paper basket, "he just doesn't know how to fly!"

"What?" said Goku in a state of shock.

"HE DOSEN'T KNO…" Cooler repeated helpfully.

"He heard what you said" snapped Freeza causing Cooler to shut up and return to his "research".

"Why did no body tech him how to fly?" moaned Goku, "He's in big trouble now."

"Well perhaps the fight will come to him," suggested Freeza, "You know after Thermos has destroyed Vegeta."

This didn't comfort Goku very much, and neither did seeing Vegeta smashed into the ground.

"_So long Saiyan!_" declared Thermos as he fired a huge energy ball into the creator that Vegeta had landed in. There was a huge explosion filling the coliseum with rumble. The rumble also caused the TV to shake but that was mainly due to a faulty base system. As the light of this explosion faded away it revealed Thermos standing alone in the crater, Vegeta was no where to be see.

"Well I'll go prepare the welcome wagon for Vegeta!" said Freeza cheerfully as Goku slumped in his seat.

"Hump," mussed Cell, "I would have thought that Vegeta would have at least left Goten with an inspirational speech before he died, oh well."

"At least," said Goku trying desperately to look on the bright side of life, "I'll get to know my son sooner than I expected." But he quickly gave up, "Darn it Goten, run you idiot!"

* * *

Zibon and the King of Tamaran ran over to Thermos as he stood victoriously in the crater.

"Well done sir!" said Zibon, for once genially impressed with his bosses performance.

"Remember this pose Zibon," declared Thermos in his grandest voice, "I want a portrait of me standing like this when we get back to Planet Freeza One."

"Very well sir," said Zibon suddenly reminded of what a pratt his boss was.

"Well as you have certainly proved, the gem works" said The King, handing him a copy of the treaty again, "So would you be willing to sign?"

Zibon watched in glee as Thermos picked up a pen and went to sign. At last this nightmare trip would be over. But then, to his horror the Icea stopped.

"I have a better idea," he declared suddenly.

"Oh no," thought Zibon dreading what it could be. However the idea was even worse then he had expected!

"With this gem I'm the most powerful being in the universe!" he declared, "so why should I just sign this treaty and then give the gem to Fridge? Why don't I use its power to take over the Icea Empire myself?"

"Because it would be suicide!" burst out a shocked Zibon, "This is the stupidest idea you've ever had!"

"Why? You have seen my new power," said Thermos smugly, "can you think of anyone who could stop me?"

"No but…"

"Silence then!" Thermos bellowed. Zibon wisely chose to shut up. Thermos turned to the Tamaranean King who was still standing there, "I'm not going to sign your treaty," he declared. "As the new leader of the Icea Empire I declare this Planet Thermos one. All its inhabitants are now my slaves."

The King stared at his furiously;

"Why you," he began suddenly taking a swing at Thermos, "We had a deal!"

Thermos easily caught the punch.

"Had is the operative word." He declared throwing the King away. Zibon watched it all in horror. He had to stop this, or else his career would be as dead as Vegeta.

"Very funny sir!" he declared suddenly bursting into a fit of exaggerated laughter, "Ruining all the negations and declaring that your going to over throw our government, a classic, you really had me going there!"

Thermos stared at him with contempt. The Icea calmly raised his hand above his head and started firing blasts which crashed into the coliseum crowd, causing the intended panic.

"Be serious for once Zibon" he snapped, "the universe is mine for the taking! No one can stop me! NO ONE!"

"Want a bet!" said a voice. Thermos and Zibon swung round to see the little Saiyan standing behind them.

"Big words for a little Kid!" mocked Thermos.

"Really," said Goten sounding slightly concerned, "I thought that was what the good guys said to the bad guy before they kicked his butt!"

"Yes and Thermos was just doubting you're ability to kick his butt," pointed out Zibon trying to help the kid, "It's a pretty standard response for a villain."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that!" said Goten.

"Hey!" snapped Thermos, "are you saying I'm the bad guy here?"

"Well what part of your plan is good exactly?" asked Zibon.

"It's good for me," said Thermos before conceding the point, "Yeah your right. But the Bad guys get to have more fun!" he finished eagerly.

"You know in most TV shows the fight would have started by now," said Goten.

"Good point!" agreed Thermos powering up a ki ball, "Die kid!" he declared throwing at Goten…

* * *

"_We Now interrupt this show for a Commercial break!_" declared the message on the TV screen.

"Oh Come on" growled Goku, "You can't do this to me!"

"Yeah well this is Hell," said Cell in a resigned voice, "We have a lot of Commercial breaks."

"Well I guess it give me a chance to use the toilet," said Goku finding another silver lining, "where is your toilet."

"There's an out house in the flats garden," said Freeza, "but you're a braver guy than me if you're going to use it!"

Goku laughed and went to the door.

"Watch out for the Python!" advised Cell.

"Very funny you guys," said Goku as he left. Cell and Freeza looked at each other;

"If he thinks we're joking," said Freeza grinning, "boy is he going to be surprised…"

* * *

Boy that's my longest ever chapter. I hope it still managed to be funny despite the rather large problem of putting quite a serious fight in a humour story. Any way if you have any questions, comments, requests or constructive criticisms please just send me a review.

Oh yes this story was paid for by the "Vote Thermos" 2006 King of Icea election campaign. If you would like to donate please let us know…


	8. The Power of a String Telephone

Okay it's chapter 8 folks and the story is approaching its (reasonably) exciting conclusion…

* * *

The Power of a String Telephone

Fighting is a bit like a game of cards. Okay bear with me a try to stretch you're imagination a bit. Nine times out of ten the person who is dealt the better cards will win. And the one other time will only happen if his/her opponent is smarter or more skilled then they are. It's pretty much the same in a fight. The bigger person will always win unless there opponent is a lot smarter or more skilled then they are.

* * *

As Goten is currently a lot weaker then Thermos he needs to be smarter or more skilled to win, unlikely since, while Thermos is no genius, Goten had never been in a real fight before. No one had taught him how to fire ki blasts or even how to fly. All in all there is almost no way Goten could win the fight he was about to start. Even worse there was no way he could escape it either. No wonder Goku was shaking as he watched, though that might have been due to the snake bite!

"Hold still a second Monkey!" snapped Freeza as he tried to put a plaster on Goku bite.

"Oh no!" said Goku determinedly, "if that's going to sting as much as that antidote you put on it I'll do with out."

"Stop being such a baby!" said Freeza, "if you don't put this on the wound could become infected and then you might die. Hang on a second why do I want stop him from dying?"

"Maybe your like being a good host," suggested Cell.

"Good host!" snapped Goku, "a good host would have mentioned that there was a cobra in the toilet as well as a python!"

"Sorry about that," said Freeza "we've been meaning to get a Mongoose."

"Anyway," said Goku sitting down carefully, "how is the fight going?"

"_And now we return you to our live fight,_" Declared the TV right on cue.

"That's convenient," muttered Cell but no one heard him as their concentration was now firmly back on the fight.

Goten had manage to doge Thermos's first attack and was now proceeding to hit the Icea as hard as he could. Thermos didn't even bother to block it. Goten's strike landed on Thermos's chin but did nothing more than move the Icea's head a little.

"_Is that all you've got?"_ Thermos asked in a mocking tone.

"_Err… pretty much,_" replied Goten, "_is that going to be a problem?_"

"_Not for me!_" declared Thermos who suddenly hit Goten with his tail sending the young Saiyan straight though the Coliseum wall. Goku gritted his teeth.

"Come on Goten," he bellowed at the TV, "you can do better than that."

"Personally I would blame Gohan for not teaching him anything," said Cell trying to sound objective.

"Oh you blame Gohan for everything," snapped Freeza. "You even blamed him for that leak we had in the radiator last week."

"No," said Goku sadly, "It's my fault, I should have been there to tech him; I am his farther after all. But because I'm dead he's going to die and there's nothing I can do about it."

"Yeah your right Goku," declared Cell smugly, "it is all your fault."

"Wait a second Cell," said Freeza thoughtfully, "Isn't it technically all your fault for killing Goku in the first place."

"Oh yeah!" said Goku angrily. Cell had just enough time to glare at Freeza before the Saiyan grabbed him and threw him to the ground.

"YOU KILLED MY SON! YOU JERK! I WOULD KILL YOU IF YOU WEREN'T ALREADY DEAD!" he screamed repeatedly smashing Cell's head against the floor.

"Wait Goku something has changed in the fight!" said Cell desperately. Goku stopped to look at the TV.

"Not for the better, he's just being thumped in the street now!" he snapped.

"So he is," agreed Cell, "but it's kind of hard to tell what's going when someone is smashing your head against the floor."

"Well you better be videoing this then!" replied Goku before renewing his efforts.

"Hit him with this," said a beaming Freeza handing Goku a fire stoker. The Saiyan accepted the gift before carrying on, much to Freeza's amusement. Just then the Icea's attention was drawn back to the TV.

Thermos was now really letting the young Saiyan have it. He was punching him almost constantly. More and more bruises appeared on the kids face. The only part of him that wasn't damaged was the scouter, and Freeza was sure that that was only because Thermos was showing off.

"Darn it!" snapped Freeza, "How come he gets to beat two Super Monkeys and I couldn't even beat one! It's not fair, if only I had a magic gem, wait a second! That's it!"

He turned to the others.

"Please stop Goku," begged Cell, "the people living below get very irritated by banging from the floor above!"

"That's not my problem because I don't live hear!" snapped the still outraged Saiyan.

"Hey guys, guys," said Freeza, "I think I know how we can beat Thermos, I mean save Goten." Goku swung round.

"Really! How?" he asked eagerly.

"We just need to get Goten to destroy the gem," explain Freeza proudly, "then he would be stronger then Thermos.

"Oh very clever!" said Cell sarcastically, "and how are we going to tell the kid that, send him a postcard?"

"No it's brilliant!" said Goku delightedly, "I'll just go tell him though King Kia."

Just then there was a crash form the TV as Goten was smashed into another wall!

"You better hurry then!" said Cell, "You can't teleport in hell, you'll have to run."

"Darn it!" growled Goku, "that means I'll never get there in time! There has to be another way to talk to him!"

Suddenly there was a rustling sound from the corner of the room. The three creatures looked round to see Cooler pulling his head out of the waste paper basket!

"May I be of assistance?" The cross-eyed Icea asked…

* * *

Kori looked out of her bed room window. There where a lot of guards on the palace walls. There were also a lot of explosions just outside those walls. Kori wasn't the brightest Girl in the universe, but it didn't take a genius to put the two and two together. With a nervous sigh see wondered what was causing the explosions. She also wondered what had happened to Goten and Vegeta. Galfore hadn't told her but she feared the worst. Suddenly voices entered the room.

"This is ridicules!" declared a rather well educated voice, "we can't speak to living people though this!"

"Don't criticise my inventions!" a slightly deranged voice snapped, "They all work and there all flawless!"

"Except possibly the bread maker that actually made Uranium!" said a rather smarmy sounding voice.

"I thought we agreed never to talk about that again!" said the deranged one.

"Shut up guys." Said a fourth, more normal sounding voice. "Right Cooler how do we use this?"

"Well," said Cooler, "you keep the string taught and speak into it hopefully someone in the living world will answer."

"Hello!" exclaimed a frustrate sounding first voice, "It's a string telephone! It can't possibly communicate with the living world; it probably can't communicate with the next room! We'd be better off waiting till Goten's dead and telling him then!"

Kori sat up! These voices new Goten. She desperately looked around for the source of the noise.

"Can it Cell!" said the fourth voice, "I have to try!" he cleared his throat. "Umm… Bring bring!" he began. Kori finally tracked down the source of the voices; they were coming from a mug on her dressing table! Nervously she picked it up.

"Hello?" she said.

"I don't believe it!" said Cell sounding more disgusted then amazed.

"Alright it works! That's amazing!" declared the fourth voice. "Right, okay…err how should I put this. Hi I'm Goku who are you?"

"Hi Goku," said Kori, "I'm Kori; I'm a friend of Goten's!"

"Alright, are you on Tamaran?" asked Goku.

"Err… yes I am." Kori replied "how can I help you?"

"Yeah you can, I'm Goten's farther…" Goku began.

"And he brings you a message from beyond the grave, whooooo!" butted in a mock scary voice.

"Freeza!"

"Sorry I couldn't resist it!"

"Anyway Kori, listen very carefully…."

* * *

If Goten thought the landing on Tamaran had been painful, this feeling required an entirely new word! He was in agony; yes that word would do nicely. He desperately staggered from foot to foot trying to stand against Thermos. He had seen on TV that boxers didn't lose a fight until they fell down and couldn't get up. Therefore Goten reasoned that if he was still standing up Thermos hadn't won and couldn't take over the planet. It was a great plan, with only one tiny flaw, which was that all Goten wanted to do, was lie down.

The scouter's bleeping warned him of the up coming attack before his own battered senses could. Thermos landed right in front of Goten, smacking him with his tail before the young Saiyan could react. Goten was thrown in to the air, over the place walls and through a window. He landed with a crash.

Now that he was on his back Goten really didn't want to get up. He lay there for what seemed like hours. Presently a voice seemed to call to him from far away.

"Goten, are you alright?" it asked nervously. Goten opened his eyes to see a girl hovering over him. Goten, pretty sure that he must be dead and drawing on his slim knowledge of death made a guess as to her identity.

"Are you an angle?" he asked.

"No it's me, Kori!" she said. Goten sat up.

"Are you dead too?" he asked nervously.

"No," said Kori happily, "but I have just been talking to them, there was you're farther, and a guy named Cell, and another called Freeza and Cooler too. They told me how you could beat Thermos!"

"Really," said Goten who saw no problem in her story, "how?"

Before Kori could answer there was a noise at the window.

"Where are you Kid!" demanded Thermos, "Are you dead yet, or just playing hide and seek?"

Goten promised to himself that he would never play that game again, but Kori had other ideas. She grabbed Goten's hand and flew up wards hiding them amongst the rafters just as Thermos entered the room.

"Here Kiddy Kiddy Kiddy," he said confidently, "Come out come out where ever you are."

"See that gem he has." Whispered Kori, pointing at Thermos's left hand.

"You mean the red Shiny thing!" said Goten hopefully.

"Yeah, Goku said that we must take off him and destroy it!" she explained.

Goten looked at the Icea below him, the gem kind of reminded him of a cookie. This reminded him of the fights he and Gohan always used to have over the last cookie. Gohan always used to grab it first, but Goten had some tricks up his sleeve.

"Drop me on his arm!" said Goten trying to sound tough like Vegeta had before his fight.

"Are you sure?" asked Kori nervously.

"Of course I am," said Goten, "I have a fool proof plan!"

Kori reluctantly followed Goten's order and moments later the young Saiyan grabbed hold of Thremos' arm.

"What the?" exclaimed Thermos as Goten crushed his arm.

"Drop the Gem!" the kid demanded.

"No chance!" snapped Thermos.

"Please I'm asking nicely!" said Goten.

"Like that's going to make a difference!" snapped Thermos shaking his arm violently. "Get off you runt!"

"Okay then," said Goten, "I gave you a fair chance." Then with out any further warning, Goten bit him!

"AAAAGGHHH" Thermos screamed letting go of the gem. Goten fell off his arm landing awkwardly on the floor. After a moments pause they both clumsily scrabbled across the floor for the gem. Kori beat them to it.

"Take this." She shouted grabbing the gem and hurling it into the far wall. It exploded on contact.

* * *

Goten sat up a few seconds later. The palace was wreaked, well this particular wing of it was. Goten looked round and saw Kori lying a few metres away.

"Kori, are you all right?" he asked. Kori sat up.

"Thankfully I appear to be unharmed." She said, just then the two of them heard sobbing. They looked round to see Thremos knelt in the corner.

"This can't be happening," he moaned, "I was going to be king, I was going to rule the universe. I would have got away with it too if it wasn't for those pesky kids!"

"Isn't that phrase copy write of Scooby Doo?" said Goten.

"It's a Fan-fiction story!" snapped Thermos, "As long as the author doesn't claim credit for inventing it I can say what ever I want!"

"Well it doesn't really matter now," said Kori happily, "because we won and you lost, we won and you lost…"

Goten gleefully joined in the chanting as Thermos' blood boiled.

"Stop it!" he bellowed at last. Flying into the air above the palace. "You may have foiled my plans for universal domination, but you won't be able to stop me from destroying your planet!" he declared raising his hand above his head to form the Iceas patented Death Ball. "Say god bye kids!" he shouted throwing the ball at the planet.

"Oh no!" screamed Kori grabbing Goten, "What do we do now."

"I don't know!" said Goten desperately.

"I don't get it," cried Kori, "I thought the good guys always won."

"So did I," said Goten wishing he was back home with his mum, Gohan and Trunks, "So did I." he repeat sadly.

"Sure they do kids!" said a familiar voice, "why do you think I stopped being evil!"

They swung round to see Super Saiyan Vegeta standing behind them.

"Now," said Vegeta calmly, "Do as the Icea says and wave good bye!"

"Good bye Thermos!" both kids chanted as Vegeta brought his hands to his side.

"Very good Kids," he said before declaring, "Galic Gun!"

Vegeta's shot raced towards the Death Ball countering it perfectly, so well in fact that in blasted the Death Ball straight back in to Thermos. He had no hope of avoiding it, still over the noise of all the explosions you could, if you listened very carefully, hear Thermos' last, and surprisingly calm words. They were; "Oh bugg-"

* * *

Goku, Freeza, Cooler and Cell jumped joyfully around the room in front of the television.

"We did it!" exclaimed Goku, "my son is still alive!"

"I'm still the greatest Icea in history!" declared a delighted Freeza.

"My inter-dimensional String Telephone works!" said Cooler equal pleased.

"I have nothing to celebrate," said Cell, "why am I jumping up and down like a lunatic?"

They all paused.

"You can celebrate the fact that Goku's no longer hitting you," suggested Freeza.

"Good enough for me," said Cell joining in the celebration once more. Suddenly some irritated bangs came from below.

"Be quite up there," someone from the floor below bellowed.

"Oh go to hell!" snapped Freeza.

"It's a little later for that" pointed out Cell…

* * *

"Vegeta!" cried Goten happily, "I thought you where dead! How did you survive that attack?"

"Well it's along and rather boring plot hole, like how come where the only two characters in the story who need scouters to translate what the Tamareans are saying," said Vegeta dismissively, "it 's not important anyway the important thing is that I did."

"Wow Vegeta," said Kori in awe struck voice, "you saved our planet. Thank you so much! "

"Well actually I was killing Thermos," corrected Vegeta, "Saving you and your planet was just a…. side effect." The Girl glared at him.

"Fine then," conceded Vegeta, "It was a bonus…"

* * *

I hope that chapter was up to standard. I'm sure you'll all be pleased to know that's there's only one chapter left, I've got to tie up all the lose ends. Anyway if you would like to purchase an Inter-dimensional String Telephone or any other of Cooler's inventions just wait for a mug to start shouting at you. 


	9. There's no Place Like Home

Here it is, Chapter 9. This is the last chapter because I get uncomfortable when dealing with double figures. If you think this is too short and want to read more then you must be gluten for punishment. However there is no need to worry as I intend to start a new story in just over a week. Until then you could always try reading Celling Out. Anyway on with the show…

* * *

There's no Place Like Home, Thank Goodness.

I know I go on a bit about international relations in a cynical manor but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop. Anyway did I mention how short memories countries can have if they want too. Sometimes they can feel bitter about the results of wars for over 500 years and other times they will forget that they where shooting at each other last week! Grudges are often held over petty things, like who started bombing who or who is stealing who's oil. Friendship between nations is driven however by things that our leaders see as much more important, money and popularity. Money through trade and popularity from the sense of importance a leader will get by thanking/congratulating/helping another country. It was logic like this that had resulted in Goten and Vegeta being force to fight to the death by the Tamaraneans on minute, and being given medals the next…

Goten stood proudly to attention next to Vegeta in the great hall. If only his Mum could see him now, she would be so proud, he thought. (Either that or she would be hopping mad that he was standing up in front of so many people wearing such a filthy gi). Still the crowd of Tamaraneans cheering them made Goten feel 9 foot tall. He had never experienced anything like this in his life. Presently the King waved everyone to silence.

"People of Tamaran," he began but Goten didn't here any more of the speech because Vegeta lent down and turned his scouter off.

"Can't have you falling to sleep can we?" the Saiyan Prince muttered. Goten nodded, he had seen enough TV shows to let him know that speeches like this were as ways as dull as distilled water. The random words and noises that made up the Tamaranean langue were far more interesting to listen too anyway. Of course he had to work hard to stop himself from laughing. Vegeta helped him to this end by standing on his foot!

Eventually the speech finished. This was greeted by massive cheers from the crowd which probably had more to do with the fact that it had finished rather then its quality. The king turned to Goten and Vegeta causing the two Saiyans to hurriedly turn their scouters back on. Goten was a little slow so all he caught was;

"…. now join us for a celebratory feast." The King finished. Goten's eyes lit up. He was beginning to grow fond of this planet. Apparently Vegeta disagreed.

"My gosh is that the time!" he said quickly looking at his wrist, "we really have to be going, we're scheduled to save another planet this afternoon, well must fly!"

"But Vegeta, your not wearing a watch," Goten helpfully pointed out. If looks could kill Goten would have been blown to oblivion. But it was too late for Vegeta.

"No you must come celebrate," declared Kori grabbing Vegeta's arm and pulling him towards the food. Goten gleefully followed.

* * *

Zibon walked carefully around the outside of the town. He knew he hated his boss, he knew that his boss had tried to overthrow the Icea government, but he also new that if he returned to Planet Freeza One with out him some family members would get upset and it didn't pay to get Iceas upset. Usually it was fatal.

"Boss I've found something!" called one of the men. Zibon ran over to the creator that the man was looking in and sure enough at the bottom of it lay what was left of Thermos.

"Not pretty ah sir," said the soldier. Zibon looked at the battered limbless torso and head that lay in the creator.

"Actually, I think it's a marked improvement!" he said, "He can't do any more posturing now!"

"Err… he sir," replied the some what uncomfortable soldier next to him. Suddenly there was a cough from the bottom of the creator.

"W-w-where am I?" coughed Thermos.

"In a land fill on Tamaran sir," replied Zibon cheerfully.

"So that's what the smell is," moaned Thermos. "What happened, I-I was going to rule the universe wasn't I?"

"Not quite," said Zibon enjoying his master's suffering, "you lost the gem, the treaty and your limbs!"

"Oh," said Thermos slowly. "Bit of a screw up then," he admitted.

"Just a small one" said Zibon, "King Fridge probably won't kill you too badly for it."

"Guess that's something," said Thermos. "Right take me back to the ship, I need a bath!"

"Very good sir," said Zibon gesturing to the soldier to pick Thermos up. He did so and they set off for the ship.

"Oh by the way Zibon," Thermos added, "call my tailor; tell him not to bother with the trousers on my new suit…"

* * *

"Good bye everyone," called Goten from the door of the ship as it began to take off. "If you ever find yourself on earth you can look us up, we're in the phone book under Son and Brief!"

Vegeta wasn't sure that anyone had heard that, Goten had been shouting at the top of his voice by then. Still he made a mental note to go ex-directory when he got back. Unless of course he ever had an electrics problem as the Tamaraneans had done a good job of fixing the ship. That didn't actually mean that they were all good with electrical things, but Vegeta liked to make sweeping generalizations. They made life so much easier.

Presently Goten sat down next too him. The kid was looking at his meddle with a huge smile on his face.

"Wait until I tell Trunks how I got this!" he said proudly, "He'll be well jealous."

"Yeah, about that," said Vegeta, "I've decided that we're not going to tell anyone about this, understand!"

"Awww why not?" asked Goten.

"Because if your mother finds out that you fought an Icea she'll probably kill me!" explained Vegeta. "No starch that she will kill me!"

"Come on can I at least tell Gohan!" begged Goten.

"Let me put it this way," said Vegeta threateningly, "If you tell anyone your dratted mother is likely to find out. In which case my dying screams will be to inform her that you turned in to a Super Saiyan despite promising her that you wouldn't!"

"You wouldn't!" burst out a horror stricken Goten.

"Oh yes I would," said Vegeta smugly, "and afterwards I would come back and haunt you just to be sure!"

"Fine I won't tell anyone," said Goten reluctantly.

"Good, as far as anyone else knows this never happened!" declared Vegeta (ha! This now fits into the DBZ continuity!) "All we have to do is agree on a story…"

* * *

Bulma had been busy catching up on her reading when she noticed something odd. There had been a sudden change in noise level. She looked around to try a find the cause of it. Seconds later Krillin emerged from around the corner carrying a pair of scissors.

"All done" he said proudly displaying the now short grass that covered the garden.

"Thanks Krillin," said Bulma also admiring his work, "that was very good of you."

"Yeah now what about the mon…" Krillin began but never finished the sentence because someone flew in and booted the monk into a rosebush. Gohan caught the scissors out of mid-air, (don't try this at home kids, Gohan is a train professional).

"Okay let's get the story straight," he said quickly, "I was here all weekend trimming you're err…"

"Grass," prompted Bulma with a smile. "Sorry Krillin can I pay out later; I've got to cover Gohan's back."

"No wa- OWE," yelled Krillin, "I've got rose thorns in some unpleasant places!"

"Thanks Krillin" called Gohan.

"GOHAN!" yelled a familiar voice almost causing the Saiyan to drop the scissors.

"Hi mum," he said nervously, "How have you been?"

"More to the point where have you been?" Chi-Chi demanded. "You've had me worried sick."

"Sorry Mum," said Gohan carefully, "but I've been here all weekend cutting the lawn!"

"Has he?" Chi-Chi asked Bulma.

"Yes he has," said Bulma sticking to the story, "We didn't tell you because we didn't think you would approve of Gohan having a job as well as his studies." That was a really safe thing to say, because that was just the kind of thing that Chi-Chi would approve of.

"Oh well done Gohan!" she said giving her eldest son a hug, Gohan silently mouthed "thank you" to Bulma. Chi-Chi continued, "You needn't worry about telling me things like that son, I understand. Still if you where cutting the grass what was Krillin doing?"

"Oh he's trimming the rosebush," said Bulma quickly. Chi-Chi turned to look at Krillin.

"Well someone should tell him that he isn't doing a very good job of it," said Chi-Chi.

"Oh go to…" Krillin began before seeing Chi-Chi's face, "…get some pliers so I can cut myself out please," he finished with a big smile.

"I'll cut you free," said Gohan generously, resulting in an evil glare from Krillin, or as evil a glare as Krillin could produce.

Just as Gohan finished cutting the monk free the air was filled with a whistling noise. Everyone looked up to see a white dot in the sky. It was slowly getting larger, well actually it was getting larger very quickly.

"Perhaps we should take a step back." Bulma suggested. Moments later the space pod crashed into the garden, destroying a surprisingly large amount of grass and causing Krillin to whimper a little.

"I'm guessing Dad's home," said Trunks calmly walking into the garden.

Very slowly the door of the space pod opened, revealing its smoky interior and two shadowy figures. It was just like I the movies. Except the manor in which Goten and Vegeta then tumbled coughing, out of the spaceship was less then graceful.

"Boy Vegeta, you should really get that thing looked at!" said Goten, "that's twice its broken in one journey!"

"It would have been fine," snapped the Saiyan Prince "had you not pressed that button that I pacifically told you not to press!"

"Well that's a really stupid button to have in a spaceship!" retorted Goten but got no further before he was mugged by Chi-Chi.

"Oh my little Goten thank goodness your safe," she said quickly hugging Goten. "Don't you ever do that to me again, you had me worried sick!"

"Mum!" said Goten trying to escape the hug, "I was perfectly safe, wasn't I Vegeta."

"Yep," said Vegeta calmly, "We just got a little delayed getting fuel."

"And we didn't fight any evil Icea creatures!" added Goten helpfully. Everyone braced themselves for an explosion that never came. Apparently Chi-Chi was too pleased to have her son back to actually worry about what he was saying. Eventually she put him down allowing Trunks to run up to his friend.

"Found you!" he declared defiantly, "and with 20 minutes to spare!"

"No you didn't," protested Goten, "It's been at least a day since I left and you said I only had to hide for two hours!"

"No," said Trunks, still in control, "You hid at one o'clock and its now two forty, so you where only hidden for an hour and forty minutes therefore I win!"

Goten paused and tried to work it out in his head.

"That can't be right!" he protested.

"Well it is you lose so it's still my go!" declared Trunks running for the computer.

"Well it's my go next!" declared Goten running after him. The others watched them go.

"Kids," mused Chi-Chi happily.

"Yeah, don't you just hate them!" said Vegeta before turning to Bulma, "Well don't I get a welcome home hug?" he demanded.

"Maybe later," said Bulma coolly, "I was actually quite enjoying the peace and quiet."

Vegeta looked like he was about to give the desired furious reaction when they were interrupted.

"That's him!" Yamcha declared running towards them with some police officers, "that's the man who's lawnmower car-jacked me!"

"Pardon!" said Vegeta swinging round, only to be instantly hand cuffed.

"Mr Vegeta I'm arresting you on the charge of assistance to grand theft auto," declared the Police Officer, "you have the right to remain silent…"

"You can't be serious," exclaimed Vegeta, "A lawnmower couldn't car-jack someone!"

"That's what I thought!" said Yamcha, "but it did happen!"

"…but anything you do say…" continued the officer.

"I'm going to kill you for this Yamcha!" declared Vegeta.

"…may be taken down and used as evidence against you!" finished the Office glaring at Vegeta. Vegeta froze.

"You can't put that last thing down," he protested, "you hadn't finished reading me my rights!"

"Just come quietly sir," said the Police Officer dragging Vegeta away.

"Bye Vegeta," called Bulma, "see you in a week!" before returning to her reading.

* * *

"…and that's how I got this medal" finished Goten proudly.

"Very good Goten," said Mrs Feeny as the class gave him the compulsory round of applause, "That was a very…err… imaginary show and tell," she finished.

"But Mrs," protested Goten, "that all actually happened."

"Of course it did Goten," the teacher replied with any "understanding" nod of the head.

"Oh just one more thing," said Goten as he sat down, "if any of you see Vegeta, please don't tell him."

**The End**

* * *

Okay folks that's it. Hope you all enjoyed it. Anyway all that's left for me to do is thank my brother for proof reading this story, (thus any spelling mistakes are has fault!), Godzilla2, Happyface101, PockySamurai, shima orealu, bradbdb, aluminumboat and Killer Eyes for reviewing, (I meant to reply to all of you so sorry if I didn't) Akira Toriyama for creating Dragonball Z and everyone who has read this story, I'm sure you know who you are.

Help Wanted!

I want to write a sequel to this story but I don't have any plots! So if anyone has any plots please let me know, it doesn't matter if you think it's stupid, anything might help me get my brain going in the right direction. If you would rather see a story about Cell and Freeza's adventures in Hell, based off there cameo appearances in this story, then let me know too. I'm not promising anything except that all ideas will be received gratefully and that I am open to bribes. I'm going to take a week off now to give me, and hopefully some of you, time to think. See you soon, _mg34_.


End file.
